u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
