Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
A+ Viking dick
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
