I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
