I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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