We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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