Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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