It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
