im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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