So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
