Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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