She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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