I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
