We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
