im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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