I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
