I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
