hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
