do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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