i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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