oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
