We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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