note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
