youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
