Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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