so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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