So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
