Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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