He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize