I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
