Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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