I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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