"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Vodka?
Forever.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
