So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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