If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
