i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
