Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
