I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
