My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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