I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
