Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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