I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
