Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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