So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
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This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
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I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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