Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
