I CAN MOONWALK!
I am midnight drunk by noon
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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