I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do vagina's smell?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
