Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
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You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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