My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
