He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
