woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
