shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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