I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
