I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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