**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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