I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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