Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
