Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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