i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i think im in europe. pls send help
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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