I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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