Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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