your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
