1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
