So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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