bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
