I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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