yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
