I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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