Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
