it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
