Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
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There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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