He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it hurts more in the daytime
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
