He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
