why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
