Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
