he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If I die, sorry about rent.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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