So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I would fuck him just for his dog
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I enjoy the company of your penis
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
