I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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