So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
