I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
