you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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