Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
