I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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