i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
please don't ironically join a cult
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