Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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