If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize