If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
